Why do Western Women follow Asian Men home?

I recently received an email from a girl in an AMWF relationship, trying to decide whether her boyfriend should move to Europe with her or if she should move to Asia with him. Being concerned about the way people would treat their relationship in her country compared to his, she included a very interesting question “Why do so many AMWF couples live in Asia?”, or more specifically:

“Why is it that so often Western Woman follow Asian Men home, rather than the other way around?”

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There are many pros and cons of moving to another country or staying in your own which differ with each person, so what makes western women choose to move to Asia? Is it the personality of woman who chose an AMWF relationship, a stronger sense of adventure, a lower sense of family commitments?

Here are some possible reasons I’ve thought of as to why AMWF couples tend to move towards the Asian countries to live are:

1Image. The woman travelled to the Asian country in the first place, then she met a guy, and decided to stay.

2. Westerners in general have a stronger urge to travel and experience new things than Asians. (very stereotypical)

3. Asian culture is very family orientated. The man and his family don’t want him to leave which means the woman has little choice if they want the relationship to continue.

4. Asian culture is more accepting of AMWF relationships than western culture. (debatable)

5. Asian countries are better economically, with more employment opportunities for foreigners, cheaper costs of living and therefore more disposable income. It’s harder for an Asian man to get a good job in a western country.

6. Asian countries are generally more expat friendly.

7. Asian countries have a high quality of life and better weather. (depending on the country and what sort of weather you like!)

8. This isn’t a true statement, it just so happens that the woman who move to Asian countries blog more/comment more on the internet.

I feel like I am in the minority. My boyfriend followed me home. It is possible my situation is rather different than others, as it involved choosing between the North and the South of England rather than 2 different countries. My boyfriend moved from Hong Kong to the UK with his parents, long before he met me. While he may technically be an expat, he comes from a country which, before he left, was a British colony.

I never really considered staying in the North after I left university, even though I was dating him. I’m very close to my family in a way my boyfriend doesn’t seem to be with his own and I always wanted to go home. In the end we came to the conclusion that I would be happier going back to the South than he would be staying in the North, and he would be happier to come to the South than I would ever be staying in the North.

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It’s a completely different story with other countries though. While I could have managed living in the North, I would never in 1,000,000 years have been able to move to Hong Kong. This doesn’t seem to be the case with many AMWF couples though. From my time writing on this blog, I’ve noticed the vast majority of people I come across in AMWF relationships either moved to Asia and met a guy or met a guy, had a long distance relationship then moved to Asia. There are obviously a lot of AMWF couples in Western countries too, but I tend to find that a fair few of the Asian men have been in the Western country for all their lives, or moved at a young age with their parents.

Another interesting consideration would be – does this trend purely relate to AMWF couples? Is it gender based rather than relating to race? Are women more likely to follow a man half way around the world than a man would follow a woman?

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This is where all you guys come in. I’ve made a little survey primarily for AMWF couples so we can find out a bit more. Please respond in the comments and spread this around. (If you’re in any interracial relationship, not just in an AMWF relationship, please still respond. It will be interesting to look at this from a gender point of view.)

1. Firstly, what is your gender and what sort of relationship are you in?

2. Which countries have you and your partner lived in together? – Woman’s, Man’s, Other

3. Where is/Where do you anticipate your permanent residence to be? – the woman’s home country, the man’s home country, a completely different country or unsure?

4. Why have you chosen this country to live in?

5. Do you think white women are more likely to live in the home country of their Asian partner than vice versa, and why?

6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country?

Looking forward to the responses!

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57 thoughts on “Why do Western Women follow Asian Men home?

  1. This is interesting!

    For me and my husband, #1 and 5 are definitely true. He’s very skilled, but finding a job equivalent to the one he has in China here in Austria would be really hard because of the language barrier. #1 is not 100% true, I decided to stay (well, at least for a few years time) before I met my husband.

    To answer your questions from the survey:
    1. Female, married to a Chinese national

    2. China (we’re also staying in Austria for a few months now for the birth of our baby)

    3. Both Austria (woman) and China (man), with the main focus being on China in the upcoming years

    4. I like living there (in China) and it’s currently easier for us to make a living there

    5. Not sure

    6. I don’t think that’s necessarily the case with AMWF couples, but rather that the women who blog about their life in their husband’s home country often went there in the first place

  2. 1. I’m a female, engaged to a Chinese man

    2. China, while I was studying there.

    3. Probably he’s home country or another country, I prefer not living in my home country, but he does not want to live in he’s country either, however, it is more likely that we will live in China than Norway.

    4. I prefer living in China, because that’s what I consider home as I lived there for a long time, but as we are both in Europe now (Norway – me) and (UK – him), we might stay in UK if he gets a job.

    5. Not sure, but I know I would 😀

    6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country?
    I don’t know if it is more likely, although we hear more about it within AMWF couples, and when that’s the case I think the girl is already studying in the country her bf is from. But I think that it depends on the couple, I know that my bf would rather live in my country, but I want to live in he’s home country. 🙂

  3. It’s the same the other way round. WMAF relationships form anywhere, but when it comes to settling almost always the asian woman leaves for the west. Of course the obvious cynic would say this is because that was her true intention all along, quality of life etc., but I think its more common to go to the guys’ homeland than vice versa. Social acceptance (like you said), more likely to get a job and succeed there both contribute.

    Looking at it further, there is an element of patriachy about this – the guy is expected to earn, care and provide for her – so it makes sense to do it in an environment that accepts the guy moreso than the girl. Say we had an asian guy working in a hostile foreign environment which the girl felt at home with (because she was born there), it wouldn’t work as well because the guy would be perpetually negative about this life, since he’s out all the time. Whereas if he was home and she was in a foreign land, chances are (especially for a housewife or part time worker role) she wouldn’t have to face the outside “alien world” as much

    • It’s not just the West though, most cultures the women adopt the man’s surname.
      And the asian women you refer to have no issues adopting their white husband’s surname (not even double barrelled), though I imagine, they honestly believe in status and a western surname offers more credibility (and less hostility) than an asian one. Just look at the universities in the US rejecting asians on the grounds of positive discrimination (i.e. the population percentage of asians is low compared to that of asians in universities). This is especially prevalent in Ivy League and even public universities. Other minority groups have cottoned onto this, and with larger populations than asians, they are protesting about it.

      • I am not intimately familiar enough with most cultures to say what the majority of them do, but I am quite certain that Chinese women do not change their names. I have noticed that they do not even commonly break this custom when they marry Westerners. (The people I’ve observed have been overwhelmingly educated, though, and, as such, less likely to take their husband’s name no matter their cultural background. )

        Anyhow, I brought up the fact that most Westerners change their name to emphasize the fact that inequality in marriage is universal, in spite of popular stereotypes of Asian culture as being unusually sexist.

      • @laksa and lefse: Many Western women do change their surnames to their husband’s one in order to emphasise the fact that they are a family, especially if they are thinking of having children with the same last name as both spouses. Of course, the husband can theoretically change his last name to his wife’s, but it doesn’t happen too often.

        My husband and I both have the same double surname, but in Austria, this has only been legally allowed since last year. Before that, if you wanted to have a double surname, only one spouse could have a double name, the other one would have had to keep their own surname. Since my husband’s name uses Chinese characters, he can still use his Chinese name (the first page in his passport has his Chinese name, the second one has a notice saying that he’s also known under the other name). When I taught German to Chinese in Austria, most of the Chinese women in my classes who were married to Austrians would take on their husband’s last name. Just like my husband, they could still keep their Chinese name at the same time.

      • My boyfriend’s Mum didn’t change her name when she was married, which I thought was weird, but I think a lot of Chinese woman don’t bother…unless they marry into Western culture.

  4. 1.
    I’m a married woman.
    2.
    Just the United States. We go to his home country for visits, nothing more.
    3.
    I suspect we would only move to my husband’s country if a very good economic opportunity presented itself. He gets homesick sometimes, though.
    4.
    My husband realized that he was more familiar with my culture than vice verse, and that living with my in-laws, as I would inevitably have had to do, wouldn’t be normal or comfortable for me. (I love my in-laws, but I’m an adult woman and, in my culture, adult women don’t live with parents.)

    Secondly, I love where we live. I’ve arranged my life with the specific goal of staying here. I would never want to leave these mountains and prairies behind. My husband has never felt that strong of a connection to a place and respects my feelings.

    Thirdly, we wanted a child. Not only are we able to sustain ourselves quite comfortably one one income here, more Americans have children. My husband comes from a country with an abysmally low birthrate, and I’ve not found it to be very child friendly. There are fewer resources for parents, goods for children are severely overpriced, and the sort of hands on childcare I want to give my little one would be very unusual there. (For instance, there it isn’t uncommon to give your maid childcare duties. I couldn’t even bring myself to leave my child with a qualified nanny.)
    5.
    I haven’t known a lot of white women with Asian partners, but I’ve known several couples in which an Asian wife joined her husband. In fact, every couple I’ve known with one foreign partner has consisted of a woman living in her husband’s country.
    6.
    I think it has to do deeply engrained gender roles. Historically, a woman left her father’s household to become a member of her husband’s household. In Western culture, we’ve even gone to the extreme measure of a woman giving up her family name to take that of her husband.

    • It’s nice to hear another couple where he followed you! I think my boyfriend respects my feelings like your husband does, he isn’t too bothered where we live. He is just happy that i’m happy. We’re lucky with that.

      I agree with China Elevator Stories, women change their name to emphasise the fact that they are a family. My parents only bothered getting married just before I started school so that I would have a “normal” family with both parents having the same surnames. That said, I do think that gender roles may be a reason for women moving away, especially when you consider the importance of men in Asian culture.

      • I am not saying that there aren’t issues, just that I don’t think they’re worse than Westerners have, on the whole. I think the preference for boys is more pronounced in Chinese culture partly because of traditional ancestor worship practices in which they played an important role.

        When my husband and I were dating, someone actually asked me if he treated me like a person. I’ve been married for years now and have yet to see this rampant misogyny people accuse Asians of. There are differences in their views of sex and gender, yes, but I’m not convinced they’re worse. Just different. (Disclaimer: I’ve dated American fundamentalists, so that might skew my views a little.)

      • I honestly don’t know anyone in the UK that would prefer to have a boy over a girl or vice versa unless the reason is something silly like “I can make him a top football player” or “I can teach her about makeup”. Maybe it’s different in America?

      • Preference for boys is clear in India, Pakistan and other south asian countries too. The one child policy leading to female shortage may be self inflicted in China, but in India and Pakistan (where there is no such limit), there is still a huge gender imbalance (not as much as China’s). Hence why you hear so many rape stories in India – the men are desperate.

      • “When my husband and I were dating, someone actually asked me if he treated me like a person. I’ve been married for years now and have yet to see this rampant misogyny people accuse Asians of.”

        Haha. How did you reply? It’s like being asked the penis question – “so….. is he small down there then?”.

        Also, by “people”, do you mean mostly white men (and women influenced by the views of white men). Because of course they would stereotype asian men.

  5. 1. Firstly, what is your gender and what sort of relationship are you in?
    Female, married to a Chinese citizen.

    2. Which countries have you and your partner lived in together? – Woman’s, Man’s, Other.
    Man’s
    3. Where is/Where do you anticipate your permanent residence to be? – the woman’s home country, the man’s home country, a completely different country or unsure?
    China, though with the time and economy situation we will be increasing the time we Spend in my country. Let’s say instead of going 2 weeks a year we could go a couple of months depending on our finance and situation.
    We would like to try another country for a couple of years though
    4. Why have you chosen this country to live in?
    I’ve chosen China because I like it, I am always busy, I learn something new every day and I can do my own stuff without much judgement.
    5. Do you think white women are more likely to live in the home country of their Asian partner than vice versa, and why?

    I think that someone who marries a Chinese citizen has to be interested in Chinese culture, traditions and life, because that is something you need to enjoy. I don’t think women are more likely to live in the country of the partner as I myself know a good amount of women who live with their partners in the woman’s home country.
    I
    6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country?
    My opinion is that “following” is similar to the term “trial spouse”, and is wrong. No one follows another one. Is a decision that is taken together, with its positive and negative reasons.
    Is not like..the man takes the decision and the woman just go with it without any opinion or disagreement. It doesn’t work like that.

      • Speak for yourself Chris… you seem to be easily offended by white women who like Chinese men.

        And why woud you bang women of an inferior race? your words, not mine.

      • Genetic purity? People have been intermarrying ever since the ancient times. Like the case of Julius Caesar marrying the Eqyptian Queen Cleopatra or Alexander and his Greek soldiers marrying Persians and so many other cases.

  6. 1. Male, married, WMAF relationship

    2. We both got together in Finland, a country in which we both studied. Now we are planning to move to my homecountry, due to better work possibilites and income for both of us.

    3.Thus far we plan to live in Germany but we never know how life turns out later on. We might also move to China, however my wife is stricly against it at the moment.

    4. As said before, mainly related to work.

    5. I actually do not know however I know of many Asian women who follow their husband to Finland but no white woman who followed her love to his Asian homecountry

    6. I do not really have an opinion about it however I though thus far that it always depended on the partner who is earning more money and in which country she/he might achieve this.
    For the thing about taking family names mentioned in other comments. My wife to partly my family name resultingt that she has a combined family name now. THis she did actually do make life easier in Europe as there is still much discrimination around when for example applying for jobs. It happens too often that in a job application someone with a “foreign” name is dismissed before even checking her/his qualifications!

    • That is a REALLY good point that I didn’t think of! It’s usually the man who makes more money (sadly) so it would make more sense for someone to leave a lower paying job.

  7. 1. M, ex-AMWF
    2. EU
    3. I anticipate to find a good job rather than living in which country
    4. job
    5. Maybe, but the North East Asian women too, they are more likely to live in the home country too
    6. Because of Love
    😉

  8. 1. Female, engaged to a Japanese man

    2. Only his, Japan. (So far. We’re talking about moving to Europe, but it will probably be in 6-7 years.

    3. Either Japan or Sweden. (His or my home country.) Ideally we’d love to do both (6 months in each) but it would depend on finances and future kids’ schooling etc. Currently I speak his language and he speaks English, one of my mother tongues. He’d need to study Swedish to get a decent job over there though.

    4. I was already here, and we both have good jobs. He’s planning on going back to uni and we had to choose between going to Sweden now, or after he’s done. It’s much easier for him to get into uni in Japan, and also to find a part time job while studying. (Unfortunately it means sacrifices in other areas, but we’ll get to that when it becomes an issue.)

    5. I think it depends on where they met, and job prospects. If they both already have good jobs where they are, it may be more practical to stay in that country (less risk)…

    6. I think it’s true of the expat crowd–those already married and where one of the partners gets a job transfer somewhere. As for in general, I don’t really know. I’m sure historically it was more likely the man was able to make a better paycheck, so it made financial sense for him to “lead” in that respect. As for now… can’t say, I really don’t know. 🙂

  9. 1. I am female, and I am dating a Chinese-American.

    2. We’re pretty vanilla in terms of AMWF couples, honestly. We’re both American, he’s first generation. The only big difference is that I lived on the east coast, and him the west coast. I went to the west coast for school, and bounce back and forth between the coasts frequently.

    3. I probably will stay on the west coast, honestly.

    4. I’m choosing to live there because the culture is a lot more diverse and interesting. I think there is a lot more job opportunities as well. But in regards to the relationship, I aim to make it work also. He’s a very family-oriented individual, so I figure that if we stay closer to his family, the better.

    5. From my experience, especially if one is dating a more traditional, conservative Asian, I think they’re more likely to move with with their Asian partner. Family can be a big thing. But I have noticed the social stigma of dating an Asian man. On my side of the coast, I’ve gotten a lot of “Why would you date an Asian?” and “There’s plenty of nice white guys around here!”
    But when it came to living in an area that was primarily Asian, it was sorta… a thing to brag about?

    6. It really all depends on each person. You have brought up a point that made me think a little bit, especially about gender norms and how women might feel more inclined to move then the man is. I probably will have to mull this over a bit more, not gonna lie, haha.

    • I think you’re right with question 5! Where I lived for Uni was the Asian part of my city and I think my boyfriend really liked all the looks from the other Asian guys 😛 Whereas when we get comments, it’s in places full of white people >_<

  10. Interesting blog. 🙂 I’ve got to ask one thing, though… why would it be so hard for you to move to Hong Kong? Have you ever been there before? It’s a fabulous place. 🙂

    As for your questions…

    1. Female Married to a CBC (Canadian born Chinese).

    2. Other! We live in Mainland China. I am American and he is Canadian – we are both away from “home.”

    3. We plan to have a few homes. We definitely will always be in/connected to somewhere in Asia. Canada is another huge possibility.

    4. A lot of opportunities, great food, nice people, a lot to do and see… China is a wonderful place to be.

    5. I honestly don’t know. I know couples who have gone both ways – living in the woman’s home country or the man’s home country. Or splitting time between both. I think it really depends on the people, their circumstances, and their relationship rather than race/gender.

    6. I think historically it is a fact. Women of many cultures were not the “bread winners” in their families and had to “follow” (I like to think of it as “support”) their husbands in the careers they were in. It was survival and what was expected of them. Then there were those who were even treated as property and had no say in the matter. There were also those who went against the “norm” for their times and did what they wanted anyway. 😉

    History aside, though… things are changing now. I think nowadays it goes both ways. Men will move to be with women and women will move to be with men. There are compromises in every relationship.

    • I have been to Hong Kong. Hate the food, hate the weather, too far away from my family and friends… 😀 Other than that it’s amazing!

      Thanks for your answers 🙂

  11. Hello. I just found your blog. I’m American and married to a Taiwanese man. I studied abroad in Japan and he also really likes Japanese food/culture/language so that’s how we first bonded.

    1. American woman married to a Taiwanese man, currently living in the US. Married for 1.5 years, together 3.5 years.

    2. He was brought here during high school by his parents and has actually lived longer in the US now than in Taiwan. We met, fell in love, got married, and live in the US.

    3. Right now, with my in-laws decreasing health, it is kind of up in the air. I wouldn’t mind to move to Japan or Taiwan, my husband would prefer to stay in the US.

    4. My sister-in-law has offered to move back to Taiwan, my husband runs his own business in the US, but my in-laws have been thinking about emigrating to the US to be closer to us.

    5. I think definitely the family values comes into play. Most Asian cultures (especially in Japan and from what I can tell, Taiwan too) almost demand that the first son takes care of his parents/runs the family business/becomes the patriarch of the family, which means they can live abroad for awhile, but generally have to “move back home”. It’s also much easier for a white woman to find work without being able to speak the native language in an Asian country than it is for the Asian male if he isn’t fluent in at least English.

    6. I don’t really mind either way. My husband has spent his entire adult life in the US and is very used to life here so it doesn’t make much sense for us move but I can totally understand the desire to immerse yourself in a foreign culture (especially since I did that in Japan).

  12. 1. I’m an American female married to a Chinese man.

    2. United States (more specifically Texas). We’ve also visited China for 2 months for our wedding.

    3. America. We might spend 2 years or so in China in the future.

    4. We both are going to school here, where we met. He is about to graduate and found a good job here.

    5. I think that wherever the couple meets is where they’re more likely to stay.

    6. I don’t know if most women would be likely to follow men, unless they had already lived in that country for some time and enjoyed it.

  13. 1. Firstly, what is your gender and what sort of relationship are you in?

    I am female and I have been in a LDR AMWF relationship for about 2 years.

    2. Which countries have you and your partner lived in together? – Woman’s, Man’s, Other

    I’ve lived in Japan (where we originally met)
    And he has lived in America with my family to advance his English

    3. Where is/Where do you anticipate your permanent residence to be? – the woman’s home country, the man’s home country, a completely different country or unsure?

    In short term 4-5 years In Japan. For my own profession.

    For long term he wants to be with me in America.

    We both foresee having jobs that work both between America and Japan.

    4. Why have you chosen this country to live in?

    As excited as I am to want to live in a foreign country. So is he. He wants to live in America.

    We decided America because I’m closer with my family. Also for seeing how our kids would be treated for being half. We want both countries to be our children’s home. However, we intend to spend more time raising our kids in America.

    5. Do you think white women are more likely to live in the home country of their Asian partner than vice versa, and why?

    Most women who enter into a AMEF AMBF or AMLF relationship already have their own interest in their partners home country. Most who commit to a serious relationship also tend to not mind the excitment of moving to that country or originally intended to live in the foreign country.

    Also Asian men or any other foreign man feel intimidated by the idea of finding work in a western country. Not only will they be immigrants, but also not of the dominant race of that country and will work in a second language which based of fluency can limit ones opportunity for higher wages and jobs.

    For Asian culture in particular. Men are the main provider. So when the situation of where to live comes up the decision is difficult. If the woman moves, men feel more job security and most of the time the woman can either work from home, keep the house, or find efficient work as a English teacher. While for the man to move to a foreign country , he must find a career that he won’t feel judged or have the pressure of working in his second language.

    I’d also like to add for those in same sex relationships this can be a similar struggle. And it ultimately can come down to where will someone be judged less due to being a foriegner.

    6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country?

    See above.

    Mainly I think most of these couples would be fine living In Which ever country they’d like. I think couples want to live in both each others home countries. It ultimately comes down to where you feel the most economic and emotional security.

  14. All those cultural reasons are beautiful and nice to read, but very often the real reason is: life circumstances. For example, do you know how “easy” it is for an Asian person to get a simple travel visa to Europe or America? I know a couple who got married in South Africa because going to America was way too troublesome.
    Secondly, do you know how “easy” it is for Asian people to find a job in the West?
    So I have stayed with my husband in China for practical reasons: all I need to get a long+term residence permit is our marrriage certificate and my passport.

    • Quite easy I’d say – if you were an asian woman. An asian man however! Two cases in particular – a businesswoman with a 6 figure salary married a Japanese man, but the Home Office rejected him

      http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/japanese-husband-of-uk-businesswoman-may-miss-childs-birth-due-to-visa-rules-8551359.html

      Another of one married to a Chinese man, they were being persecuted because they dared to complain because the Chinese government was buying their home (which the family had been in for generations) for a pittance… so they were blacklisted, and he didn’t want the family (they had a daughter) to face that abuse – they all applied for residence in the UK, and the Home Office said it would be OK for the British girl and their child to live in the UK – but not the Chinese man.

      http://www.echinacities.com/news/British-Woman-and-Chinese-Husband-Struggle-with-Injustice-from-Shandong-Authorities

      Yet everywhere you go in Britain there are white men with asian women. They can’t speak English, they have no skills…. so how did they get in?

    • I never considered it would be hard for an Asian guy to get a job in the west until my boyfriend started to apply and got rejected from EVERYTHING while I applied for less and got loads of interviews. He is a British citizen yet still he had no responses!

      I doubt he has as much trouble as non-British citizens and maybe he wasn’t right for the jobs…but there is a huge part of me that wonders if it a lot was based on his name.

      Luckily he has a job now so I think *crosses fingers* there will be no more issues in the future.

      • Na, there’s definitely a racial bias going on. I remember posting about it somewhere on here in detail. The surname gives away everything.

        If anything, non British citizens have it better because there are very clear laws that can’t be easily circumvented (it’s obvious they are from another country if they explicitly say so!). But someone who is British in everything but a name…it’s so easy to cover up.

  15. 1. I am a white female and my boyfriend is a South Korean male. We are currently in a LDR between Korea and Japan.

    2. Which countries have you and your partner lived in together? – I am in Japan and have visited him in Korea, and we plan on living in Korea in the future. He has never visited America (my home country).

    3. Where is/Where do you anticipate your permanent residence to be? – We plan on me going to live in Korea with him.

    4. Why have you chosen this country to live in? – I loved Asia since I was in high school and always envisioned myself moving here. I have considered going back to America many times but only when I am depressed and want a break. I am not on the best terms with my family and I would rather work in Asia promoting peace and cultural understanding here than getting a job in the states where I can’t use my knowledge of the language or culture. Also, he has a good job in a hospital and I doubt he would be willing or able to live long term in America, and getting a job for me is easier than him moving to America. I also envision myself being much happier in Korea than we would be in America.

    5. Do you think white women are more likely to live in the home country of their Asian partner than vice versa, and why? – Maybe it’s because we have this sense of sympathy that we don’t want our men to have to struggle, but I think WF are more likely to follow their SOs. I have already adjusted to speaking a foreign language and living in a foreign country, and I feel like my life is more exciting because of our relationship. I also have a great sense of security knowing that he is a local and I can learn from him and let him take over whenever I can’t do something. I was in a AMWF relationship in college in the states, and I found it more difficult because I had to teach him everything when I wanted to be taken care of as well.

    6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country? I think it could be true but it depends on how the couple meets and under what circumstances. I think everyone’s story is unique and interesting, and whatever works for them should be the top priority.

  16. 1. Firstly, what is your gender and what sort of relationship are you in?
    I’m female and married to a Japanese man.

    2. Which countries have you and your partner lived in together?
    Husband’s

    3. Where is/Where do you anticipate your permanent residence to be?
    Husband’s home country

    4. Why have you chosen this country to live in?
    I speak the language and it’s easier for me to get a job.

    5. Do you think white women are more likely to live in the home country of their Asian partner than vice versa, and why?
    In our case it’s mostly the employment options and the fact that my husband doesn’t speak a word of my mother tongue (German).

    6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country?
    I think it might have something to do with traditional gender roles, ever so present in Asia. If the man is expected to provide for the family, he will most likely have higher chances to do that in his home country than abroad.

  17. 1. Firstly, what is your gender and what sort of relationship are you in?
    Female married to a Japanese man.

    2. Which countries have you and your partner lived in together? – Woman’s, Man’s, Other.
    In Japan.

    3. Where is/Where do you anticipate your permanent residence to be? – the woman’s home country, the man’s home country, a completely different country or unsure?
    Not sure, maybe just stay in Japan or maybe a completely different country that is not neither of our home country`s.

    4. Why have you chosen this country to live in?
    For now we chose to stay in Japan because of my husband`s job and schooling.

    5. Do you think white women are more likely to live in the home country of their Asian partner than vice versa, and why?
    Mostly I think so, because alot of Asian guys have a hard time finding/getting an equally good paying job in a Western country because in the western society its after all a white man`s world, meaning if you are a minority guy living and working in a white dominated country you will have a tougher time and will face discrimination. Especially since hollywood media always shows Asian men in a negative light or non-existant/lack of positive or main roles for Asian men in hollywood or western media.

    6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country?
    Depends on each person, whichever place they both feel most comfortable in.

  18. I only found this post now, but I am intrigued!

    1. Firstly, what is your gender and what sort of relationship are you in?
    I am a German graduate student currently in a relationship with a young Japanese gentlemen fulltime and office worker during the weekdays.

    2. Which countries have you and your partner lived in together?
    Right now we live together in Japan, because I am still studying at university. We had a short period of ldr wile I was in South Korea.

    3. Where is/Where do you anticipate your permanent residence to be?
    As of now undecided, but my partner wants to stay in Europe for a longer period of time. For that he studies German and English atm, which might lead to enrollment into grad school over there back home. Something draws him out of Japan and I enjoy the thought of living with him in Europe, experiencing my old home with and through his eyes.

    4. Why have you chosen this country to live in?
    I got to know my partner while I am studying in Japan. Also, my studies focus on East Asia, so living here has many benefits for me. Be it language improvement, easy access to research literature, but also being able to live in a different environment than my country of origin. This especially has been and still is immensely rewarding (and humbling!) and something I want to recommend everyone to do for a set period of time (:

    5. Do you think white women are more likely to live in the home country of their Asian partner than vice versa, and why?
    In my opinion, it depends on a lot of different factors, esp. professional training, language skills, family situation, and openess towards other cultural spheres. As many others I have made the observation that the combination of WMAF is a lot more common. This may signify more openess in Asian women towards other countries. Another reason might be that cultural and language studies at University tend to have a majority of female students, providing necessary language and cultural skills to be able to settle into another country/culture. This ‘gendering’ of study fields often has men being highly skilled in the well-paying jobs like engineering, medicine, IT etc, which in Japan also mean social security benefits among others. And we all know too well, I guess, how the pay gap has been looking like for the ladies up until now.

    6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country?
    For me, personal satisfaction and happiness is one of the highest values, meaning as long as this move makes both parties happy, go do it! Alas, already ,mentioned disadvantages and discrimation of Asian men in Western countries, and discrimination of female labor is to be criticized.

  19. Pingback: 2015 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men | Speaking of China

  20. I like China, you pick up any woman you like, bang her and she worships you for doing it. Chinese Women are God’s gifts to us, but their men are a different story. They are easily offended and like to play the racist card, I hate them.

  21. This is gonna be a bit complicated… as I’ve had 3 main relationships that just happened to be what could be described as AMWF.

    1. “Boyfriend” – a 7 year off n on relationship with a fab guy whose family was originally from the Philippines though he grew up in Canada. We knew each other from our high school years, had music (he was lead singer in a punk rock band) and shared history in common.
    2. “Husbad” – a 15 year marriage with a crazy graphic designer / photographer / chef from India I met while studying there who reluctantly moved to Canada then we moved back to India.
    3. “Partner” – several years after splitting with the ex, met an Anglo-Indian actor who has worked all over the world. At the time, we both happened to be living in Mumbai, India so just stayed and built a life here…

    1. Firstly, what is your gender and what sort of relationship are you in?

    Female, mid-40s and live with my “partner” in Mumbai, India

    2. Which countries have you and your partner lived in together? – Woman’s, Man’s, Other

    “Boyfriend” and I only lived in Canada together which technically we considered both Woman’s and Man’s though he was born in the Philippines. We were from Winnipeg so, if anything, the move to Montreal could be seen as ‘Other’ as it does have a distinctly different cultural and linguistic context than other parts of Canada.

    “Husband” and I met in India (Man’s) and dated for a year before getting married. We then applied for his immigration to Canada (Woman’s) as I needed to finish my thesis and pay off student loans – something impossible to accomplish in India which at the time did not permit spouses to work. We then moved back to India (Man’s) in the 9th year as there was a new visa category in India that permitted spouses to work. In all honesty, the move was largely as an effort to salvage a relationship that clearly had challenges that had less to do with cultural issues and more to do with other factors.

    “Partner” and I met when we both were living in India and both consider it ‘home’ though technically it is the “Man’s country” even though I’ve been living India off and on since 1995 so it has become my adopted home.

    3. Where is/Where do you anticipate your permanent residence to be? – the woman’s home country, the man’s home country, a completely different country or unsure?

    Unsure… only because the environment is changing.

    The way I could previously remain long-term in India needs to change and his security as a minority within India is also increasingly uncomfortable in the current political climate. So Man’s may not continue to remain an option…

    Woman’s i.e. Canada isn’t possible as I’ve been a non-resident for nearly 20 years so do not qualify to ‘sponsor’ a spouse and regardless it is questionable if he would even be granted ‘permanent residency’ as he earlier had this status through his sister (she lives in Toronto) and voluntarily relinquished it.

    Other is challenging as there are relatively few places we could, at our age and circumstances, be eligible to immigrate and continue our respective careers.

    4. Why have you chosen this country to live in?

    My journey to India began with Academics in 1990… it almost feels more sometimes like the country chose me rather than I chose the country.

    As for why, as a couple, my “partner” and I chose to live in India? Because that is where we were both already living when we met.

    5. Do you think white women are more likely to live in the home country of their Asian partner than vice versa, and why?

    I see so many examples of both!!

    In Canada –
    Even in my parents generation – who just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary – I know of examples of men of Asian background married to women of European background. My sister and I had lots of friends whose families were originally from all parts of the world. It just so happened her 1st boyfriend was from Laos but could have just as easily have been Mennonite such as her long term partner.

    In India –
    I know many cases of couples from different backgrounds living in India. When I think about it, those who married in the 80s to current, tend to be where the man isn’t from India and the woman is… whereas in earlier generations i.e. those who married in the 50s to 70s, I know more where the woman was from outside and the man from India.

    What I think matters more is where the couple 1st met or are living at the time. If it happens to be in a country like the UK, US, Canada or Australia, then why not remain there? If it happens to be in Asia, then same thing – why not remain if you can?

    What also matters is where each can life a life more or less of their choosing – as individuals – be it career, interests and more!

    6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country?

    I think it is rubbish as know of too many couples that contradict that notion, but happy to be challenged.

  22. 1. Firstly, what is your gender and what sort of relationship are you in? I am a Caucasian female married to a Japanese man.

    2. Which countries have you and your partner lived in together? – My husband was on a work visa in the U.S. and we have remained in the U.S. He is interested in living long term in the US, with some short stays in other countries. I have considered this when my son is an adult.

    3. Where is/Where do you anticipate your permanent residence to be? – the woman’s home country, the man’s home country, a completely different country or unsure? We consider the U.S. to be our permanent residence. He loves being in the U.S. and does not desire to move back to Japan, only to visit.

    4. Why have you chosen this country to live in? My husband wants to live in the U.S. and I have never really desired to move or live in another country. I lived in Italy for three years as a child and loved the experience. However, as an adult I would like to visit/stay in other countries for maybe 6 months to a year, but not permanently.

    5. Do you think white women are more likely to live in the home country of their Asian partner than vice versa, and why? Maybe. I have to say I felt somewhat alone with the challenges of marrying a Japanese man and I am so glad I found this community. I do not know any other couples like us where I live.

    6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country? I have no opinions, if it works for that couple then it is their decision.

  23. Pingback: 2016 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men | Speaking of China

  24. 1. Firstly, what is your gender and what sort of relationship are you in?

    Female – in a relationship with an Asian guy (from Hong Kong). Both met while studying in the UK.

    2. Which countries have you and your partner lived in together? – Woman’s, Man’s, Other.
    He has lived in the UK due to study and I have visited Hong Kong.

    3. Where is/Where do you anticipate your permanent residence to be? – the woman’s home country, the man’s home country, a completely different country or unsure?

    Currently living in the UK, although planning to live in both countries. I wish to teach in Hong Kong for a while (better salary, experience, ability to travel Asia, different culture etc.) However, we plan on returning to the UK unless we decide otherwise whilst there.

    4. Why have you chosen this country to live in?

    I would love to experience more of my partner’s culture, and have the ability to do a job I love, be able to to meet and get to know my partner’s family and generally just experience something different. I think because my partner has lived in the UK, he has had time to experience my culture already. However, we plan to eventually come back to the UK because even for my partner, it has more of a ‘home’ feel for us, maybe because we met here or maybe because the difference in lifestyle depending on where you live. However, we both are interested in travelling so it really depends where life takes us!

    5. Do you think white women are more likely to live in the home country of their Asian partner than vice versa, and why?

    I think it really depends on the individual person. If you prefer the culture, lifestyle etc. of another country then you are more likely to live there permanently. But perhaps if you have a stronger family connection and or a sense of ‘home’ in your home country, you may be more reluctant to leave.

    6. What are your opinions on the idea that women are more likely to follow men to another country?

    As said in the above question, it really depends on the individual. I wouldn’t say woman necessarily follow the man because a woman may be more likely to have a stronger attachment to the family and so will stay in her home country for that reason. But the same could then be said for the man. Other things such as job opportunities are also another consideration – wherever the higher income, job opportunities etc.

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