What is so great about AMWF?

Some people who stumble across this blog and others about AMWF might be thinking “What is so great about AMWF? Why are so many people in AMWF relationships blogging about it. What makes it so special compared to any other relationship?”

In many ways, AMWF relationships are no different from any other. However, I think there are a few differences that make it a little bit special, and make it rare. Proof of the rarity are in the stares and comments many AMWF couples get in the street. My boyfriend and I have had a fair few comments including:

“Get in their China man!” (I think the guy was fairly drunk)

“Eww, a chinky and a white girl” (Really wanted to slap the chavy teenage girl who said that)

“Why is she going out with you and not the white boys in the flat? (That one was my boyfriend’s Mum…)

tumblr_mrui4vmT5N1ss6hlfo1_400Culture differences can be a problem in AMWF relationships

So why is AMWF so rare? There are many blog posts by different people on this subject including On the Rarity of Foreign Women and Chinese Boyfriends/Chinese Husbands. In my personal opinion, I think the two main problems are culture and stereotypes.

Adapting to another culture is always going to be hard. There are many differences such as:

Food – Rice and noodles vs bread and potatoes. You both have to compromise on which food you’re going to eat, or you’ll never be able to go to a restaurant together! Even me, the fussiest eater in the world, has been to Chinese, Korean and Japanese restaurants.

Language – You may not have a first language in common. One or both of you would have to try to learn another language to be able to properly communicate with each other, and may have to act as translator for their family.

Attitudes – It is likely that there will be different attitudes, maybe not from your other half but from their parents. Diets, social gatherings, education and etiquette are a few things amongst many that you have to learn to accept if you want to get on with each other.

tumblr_mqg4ufRVIy1ss6hlfo1_400Stereotypes can be attractive or off-putting.

There are many stereotypes which can make starting a relationship between an Asian male and White female quite hard. They include:

White girls dating Asian guys are obsessed with Asian culture – I know a few girls who are obsessed with manga/anime and would love an Asian boyfriend to cosplay with. However, not every AMWF relationship is based on the white girl wishing she was Asian or having an Asian fetish. (And if it is, it doesn’t really matter! Be with who you want to be with!)

Asian men are ugly – In my opinion, being Asian shouldn’t be the factor that makes AMWF relationships so rare, but sadly I think it is. We all know that personality should overcome looks but I really think the majority of people are attracted to their own race. Whites prefer whites, blacks prefer blacks, Asians prefer Asians etc… Maybe this is one reason AMWF is something special, because it is a rare thing. There are, of course, people that don’t feel that way and are attracted to people of other ethnicities, and there are those who just happen to fall in love with a person regardless of their looks.

Asian men are too feminine and White females are not feminine enough – This piece of text from a forum post by Winston at Happier Abroad explains it.

A White female is more masculine, rough and independent than a typical Asian female from Asia. They need a guy who is more masculine than them, or at least is taller and looks more masculine. A typical Asian guy looks way too meek and feminine to them. They are not masculine enough for them, nor sexually attractive to them either. Asian males look nothing like what her DNA-driven mating instinct looks for. This is why most White women treat Asian men as asexual and do not consider them for any type of romantic relationship. 

On the other hand, a typical white female, especially an American white female of Anglo/Germanic/Scandinavian descent, is not feminine enough for an Asian male. NE Asian women in China and Japan are 1000x more feminine than White women are, even those in Europe, in every way. There is no doubt about that. A modern white woman is more rough, thick-skinned and masculine, compared to a typical Asian female. Therefore, a typical super feminine Asian woman is no doubt more naturally suited for an Asian man, who is not as rugged and masculine looking as a White male is. This is why white women who go to NE Asian countries have a lot of trouble finding decent quality Asian men to date, and often complain about it on the internet. 

Asian families would never accept a foreigner into their family – As the parents are in charge in an Asian family, if they don’t approve of a relationship it can make it very hard to continue. This blog post is AFWM but shows what that disapproval can do. Though it is rarer, there is always a chance the white girl’s family could be unhappy with the relationship too. It can be off putting for a white girl to even want to think about a relationship with an Asian man when it could all go horribly wrong so quickly, but not all Asian families are as against foreigners as it might seem.

tumblr_mqxmkuC0OT1s1tcj8o1_400Many parents are more than happy to have a foreign girl in the family

I think both men and women in AMWF relationship have to be intelligent and open minded and this is what makes AMWF so great. For me, one of the best things about an AMWF relationship is that you get to learn about a new culture and a different way of living. It can give you a new perspective on life and I think if you don’t want to learn, an AMWF relationship isn’t for you. Whether it’s discovering more about the country you’ve moved to, or learning all about a completely new country, you will learn a lot.  You also need to be able to look past the stereotypes, which often takes a very strong person to do when there is so much social pressure to think in a different way. This is another great thing about AMWF. You can prove the negative stereotypes wrong, as well as proving the more positive stereotypes right, and also show that many stereotypes are a loads of rubbish! Everyone is different and no matter what anyone else says, you should make your own decisions on a person rather than judging them straight away for being of a certain ethnicity.

I put the question “What do you think is the best thing about being in an Asian Male/White Female relationship?” to people on tumblr. Here are their answers:

  • “Proving those stereotypes wrong 🙂 Asian men are great lovers and caring partners.”
  • “You get to learn and respect another culture and their view on everything. Although there is a lot more best things about being in a AMWF relationship then just that! :P”
  • “Asian men typically show so much respect to their significant others. They always go above and beyond.”
  • “Well, if I am in a amwf relationship! I think that everything is the most happiness things to me!”

So you’ve heard my views and the views of the people on tumblr. What do you think is the best thing about AMWF relationships?

Images: akosiyavre.tumblr.com, amxf.net, weheartit.com

21 thoughts on “What is so great about AMWF?

  1. great post! i can definitely relate! the best thing about a AMWF relationship for me is the different cultures each other can experience. It never gets boring and there is always something new to learn!

  2. My husband is from Taiwan but I met him in America. I never really felt like our relationship was different than any other. Maybe because we both lived in each other’s birthplace and we liked it ALL. 😀 He gets me much more than any American.

    “Everyone is different and no matter what anyone else says, you should make your own decisions on a person rather than judging them straight away for being of a certain ethnicity.”
    True.

  3. Pingback: Why is AMWF so rare? | AMWF Dating and Social Network

  4. “Eww, a chinky and a white girl” (Really wanted to slap the chavy teenage girl who said that)

    “Why is she going out with you and not the white boys in the flat?“ (That one was my boyfriend’s Mum…)

    ========
    The first one I don’t get, there are plenty of chavvy white girls with black and (south) asian men, yet east asian men is unacceptable apparently.

    And if someone said that and what your mum’s bf said to my face – (“why YOU and not the other white guys”) I would not have gone quietly. It’s even more offensive when the same sort of people are accepting of such pairings (as with the chav girl) with either different races or swapped sexes (would he have said the same of an asian girl and his white son. for example?)

    • You’re right, i’m sure if I had been walking down the street with a black guy she wouldn’t have said a thing. Or even if my boyfriend was white and I was Asian. It’s just pathetic ignorance. >_<

      It's hard to say anything when it's his Mum saying these things! I felt really bad for my boyfriend that his Mum would think he wasn't good enough for a white girl D:

  5. I was in a AMWF relationship. I never felt the culture difference as a barrier. We faced challenges like any other couples – work schedule, emotional needs, boundaries. I suppose most Caucasian girls I dated are very cosmopolitan in experience or in the mind 🙂 They have always been very open to experience my life and vice verse.

    • I think it depends how much of the culture each person has “thrust upon them”. There isn’t a major difference with me and my boyfriend because he has lived here for so long, it’s more his parents that have that big cultural difference. I think the type of girls who don’t stereotype Asian guys and have no issues with going out with them are very open to experiences 🙂

  6. The cultural barrier would be greater if the guy or the girl recently moved to the specific country. Also definitely the expectations of the families will be a challenge. For me eating Asian food is a must. Fortunately the girls I’ve dated were adventurous foodies. But the same things goes to why I never got into a relationship with vegetarians!

  7. Thanks for a very good read. I am Chinese American male, moved to NY since I was 6. I am very Americanize (I feel true meaning of Americanize is not being “WHITE” but is accepting of every culture around you. America is made up of immigrants.) yet I am proud of being Chinese from Hong Kong. I grew up with many friends of different race and religion so I’ve learn to love and respect everyone no matter what they are, it’s more important knowing who they are. I am in an AMWF relationship, I am married to a wonderful Russian/ Ukrainian girl. The best part is that we are not together because she only date Asian guys, or that I only date Caucasian girls. We fell in love because of how . To honestly say, no matter how “Americanize” I am, there will always be a difference, and struggle to get use to things like habits, food, backgrounds, traditions. Most important of all we are willing to learn, try, and embrace each others differences. I do understand AMWF is very rare no matter where you go, some rarer than other places. We do get stares every now and then, but I have never truly encounter anything negative (yet). There were a few co-workers (Chinese lady) that made comments like ” I am so afraid my sons will marry someone not Chinese” and ” I am not even comfortable if they have a black kids as friends”. These comments were not directly at me, but it’s because I am not married to my own race causing them to make these comments. I find more Asian people staring at us than any other race, never really notice until my wife started to point them out, sometimes I wonder what they are thinking.

    • ” I am married to a wonderful Russian/ Ukrainian girl.”

      Uh oh! Which one? 🙂

      it has always been the other way for me re: stares. You should ask your co-workers what do they expect, they are living in a white country, and as for NY – a very multiracial part of a white country.

    • I’m glad you like the blog, thanks 🙂

      You know, I think it is often Asian who find it weirder than anyone…though I think it is western people who are ruder about it. >_<

  8. Her Mother is Russian, her Father is Ukrainian…. I know it’s been kind of tease now. HAHA. I did half jokingly told them to move back to China, so their children won’t run in to such “problems”.

  9. as to the photo where the caption stated “Many parents are more than happy to have a foreign girl in the family”

    that is the face of a mother who is pissed the son married outside, and the face of a father that says “Asian High Five eye contact”!

  10. Asian men typically are very caring and have a strong sense of honor and are therefore incredibly trustworthy which is a big thing for me 🙂

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