Reasons why I shouldn’t be dating an Asian

There are a number of reasons why I shouldn’t be dating an Asian man. Here are a few of those reasons.

Chinese Buffet

Food heaven for some, food hell for me

1. I hate Chinese food. In fact I hate most food but I can’t cope with the texture of most of the meat in Chinese cuisine, or taste of the sauces. This also means my boyfriend’s Mum thinks I’m a bit strange and quite unhealthy.

2. I think you should live your own life, not your parents. I’m not saying this is true with every Asian family but my boyfriend’s parents decide a lot of things for him, including which University degree he took, and I find that very hard to deal with. My parents would never dream of being so controlling and honestly, listening to my boyfriend having to argue with his parents to be allowed to do every little thing when he is 21 years old winds me up.

3. I’m generally not very understanding of other cultures. I just can’t help but thinking the Western/UK way is the way to go (even when it might not be). I know I should open my mind up more to these things…but if Chinese medicine worked, it would just be called medicine.

4. I can’t speak Cantonese. His parents can’t speak English, I can’t speak Cantonese; It’s fairly hard to communicate. I can barely remember any of the 5 years of French I did at school and I remember absolutely hating learning it and not understanding anything I was saying or writing. If I can’t learn a language similar to English, I’m sure I’ll have no chance with something that involves different characters and changing the tone of your voice. I might manage the odd words and phrases but never a proper conversation. (Luckily my boyfriend considers English his first language)

5. I can’t cope with the fact he can’t speak fluent English. I know. I’m a horrible person. I expect him to speak perfect English when I can’t speak a word of Cantonese (Hey, we are in England and I didn’t even know Cantonese was a language until about 2 years ago). Every time he gets the tenses wrong or forgets to pluralise a word, I feel the need to correct him and he hates me for it.

Hong Kong Duck

I wish I’d been in Hong Kong when the duck was there…

However, there are also reasons why I should be dating an Asian.

1. I love Japanese things. Ok, my boyfriend is from Hong Kong, but he still grew up with anime films instead of Disney. My interests in manga and anime films means we have something in common. I’m not crazy obsessed like a few people I know, though I definitely had an obsession with Pokemon when I was younger, and I certainly didn’t choose an Asian boyfriend he looks like the Japanese do, but I was very happy when I was lent my boyfriend’s brother’s entire collection of the Love Hina manga.

2. I don’t have the same expectations as many Asians do. I’m not saying that all Asian women only date men who are rich and successful, but my boyfriend is under the impression that a lot of them have very high expectations and are rather controlling. I’m sure this isn’t the case, but I am aware of the pressure that people can be put under in some Asian countries. I don’t want my boyfriend to be a high flying, rich business man, all I ask is that he isn’t too lazy to not get a job at all. As long as he is happy in life, i’m happy.

3. I’m interested in his culture. At my school, everyone (and I really mean everyone) was white British. At college, I noticed a few people of other ethnicities but not many. University, where I met my boyfriend, was a different story. I don’t think I had ever spoken to a Chinese person before meeting my boyfriend. I’ve learn so much about other cultures – you find out a lot more first hand than you can from anywhere else.

4. I get to go to Hong Kong. I would never have been there without him and I was able to experience an amazing place I had little idea about. He was pretty pleased (and maybe a bit surprised) that I wanted to go with him and let him show me around the city he was born and spent his childhood. He was especially pleased I let him fill the suitcase with Asian snacks.

5. I don’t care that he is Asian. In fact, I don’t care too much about anything I have written here! Ethnicity doesn’t make a person – personality does. I never wanted an Asian boyfriend (I never really wanted a boyfriend), but I fell for my best friend and that would have happened regardless of his ethnicity.


30 thoughts on “Reasons why I shouldn’t be dating an Asian

  1. about the parent thing – either accept it or don’t be with him, Asian, especially Chinese parents are in charge of their children life, they give him the path he follows. my mother in law got him the schools he went, gave him a choice of studies he can take, but she was always there to help him make his decisions and she will always be in your life. every mother is protective about her son, I’m white my parent’s are white and my grandma did same to my mom. you can read on my blog about my tiger mother in law – it’s just a thing you need to accept and show you deserve the perfect son 🙂
    Cantonese isn’t that hard once you learn Mandarin, I was so worried about the tones but my husband who speaks Cantonese, Mandarin and Shanghainese dialect says that if they understand the first word it doesn’t matter if I say ‘bin’ or ‘bi’ – they will just know what I was trying to say, they just treat it as ‘accent’. I can give you some advices about learning the language if you want 🙂

    • I’m never going to accept the parents thing because it makes him miserable! But saying that, I don’t think they control him that much any more. It’s only the odd things now (usually the major ones). It’s mostly the stories he told me from before I met him that upset me. I think he started sticking up for himself in the past 5 years and it’s easier for him now as he doesn’t live with them. I don’t want to get too involved because obviously it’s not really my place too, I just tell him to do what makes him happy. The only time i’ve had to get involved is when his parents tried to make him take diet pills, which is pretty dangerous and unnecessary as he is only very slightly overweight (They didn’t realise I was involved though). It might be in their culture, but I really disagree with it and I always will.

      I think the chances of me learning Mandarin are even slimmer than Cantonese because I don’t know anyone who can speak it! I really am awful with language, however I am interested in learning how to read and write Cantonese. I’m much more a visual person than anything else so I think i’d be better at it, I don’t know if you would consider that easier or harder than speaking? I managed to learn a little when I went to Hong Kong and my boyfriend has been teaching me how to write my name and some animals. 🙂

      Btw, I really like your blog! I’ll add it to my blogroll if that is ok. I might manage to learn some Cantonese from your posts too! 😀

  2. i hope you will have less problems with ‘in-laws’ than most of western girls 🙂 we are rised in thinking that our relationship has nothing to do with the parents but in Chinese culture it’s really hard to get rid of them. i had problems at the beginning, but now – since her son is so awesom and he always makes a good decisions she accepted me 🙂 even thought she still gives us ‘good advices’ 🙂
    if you don’t want to start mandarin before cantonese try ‘complete cantonese’ series plus watch some movies like 半斤八两 or any other 70/80 from Hui brothers – very funny and can help you bit more than a bf – believe me I tried my husband to teach me but beside some phrases it’s really hard 🙂 movies and music help a lot 🙂 you can watch it together, he will probably understand word-jokes, my husband laugh and I didn’t because translation of joke didn’t say it’s meaning like 689 – in Cantonese slang 7 sounds similar to ‘di.k’ so 689 they write about someone who has no di.k 🙂 and to make it more funny hated governer of HK won with 689 more votes haha 🙂

    • I think I’m really lucky, they accepted me straight away and were impressed he managed to get a white girlfriend. They actually didn’t understand why I was going out with him and not a white person >___<

      Ooo, that is a good idea. I'd also be interested to see if my boyfriend understands the jokes too because he tells me he can't actually speak Cantonese very well…though the way he chats to his parents I don't believe him at all! 🙂

      • my dad in law likes me as well but with his mom… it took really long time I’m good enough for my husband, even thought I studied pharmacy, my family was army-oriented, we own a flat still I had to prove I’m good enough for Mr. Prince – many Chinese mothers see their sons as #1 man, she was not surprised for him to get a wife girl later become his wife, she was more surprised her ‘handsome smart well born precious’ doesn’t want to get more girls and flirt around haha 🙂 there was a beautiful dialog between the two of them on whatsapp recently she told him to eat more (typical Chinese) he respond that he gets old and he gets full faster now then she responded with ‘you old? you look like teenanger, so handsome! when Lina sees you she must love you from deepest part of her heart. eat more’ haha 🙂
        try this movie – it already has English subs and it’s really, really funny 🙂 at least for person like me 🙂 I think as long as your bf spent his childhood in HK he should get most of the jokes 🙂

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  5. Great post! I am from Hong Kong, and spent over 10 years in the U.S.. So I can understand the issues you are talking about. You are very lucky that his parents were accepted you right away. Even for me (a Chinese), my husband’s mom and sister haven’t fully “embraced” me yet…they always second guess me. Let’s just say – there is no trust : ( Mom of Dragon Boy

    • Thanks! Wow, I really am very lucky if even Chinese women have these problems too! Maybe because they have lived in the UK for the last 10 years they are a bit more relaxed. I hope they trust you one day! 🙂

  6. Sorry, typo – please delete “were” in my comments which I submitted too quickly (haha) ; I meant “his parents accepted you…” Thx Thx.

  7. Wow that was strange. I just wrote an very long comment but
    after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr…

    well I’m not writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted to say fantastic blog!

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